Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Eternal Frustration...


I used the have a recurring dream when I was a child... more like a nightmare because it would leave me with the eeriest of feelings. Wasn't anything scary really...in fact it was quite simple, but the possibility of it being real honestly freaked the hell out of me. All I can remember is the part where I would wake up feeling nauseous, and the image of me sitting up high somewhere's in a big huge empty red room, with a big book in front of me. I would turn the very thin pages, one by one, very carefully... but I would never get any closer to finishing the book... and I KNEW it would NEVER end. And since I couldn't go anywhere else in the dream, I was doomed to turn pages for Eternity..........

I grew up in a very catholic household. Looking back I now know it was twisted in so many ways. Tainted in fear and isolation. Not what a God who loves his children would want for them. Anyways... I'm thinking this "dream" might have something to do with this part of me. It always made me feel stuck, like I had no say in anything, no choice in the direction my life was to take.... bit of a heavy burden for a 5 year old....

I don't know if anybody can relate to that, but this "page turner" picture kinda struck a cord and I felt like sharing.
-MissK

16 comments:

timbo said...

What a beautiful young woman.

Thanks for sharing. It's a real shame what people go through in the name of God.

Thankfully, the rapid rise in knowledge over the last 50 years has taken a lot of power away from those that cause so much harm.

Grand said...

I can relate to that. I can understand how frightening dreams that have no frightening elements can be.

hiswiserangel said...

(((MissK))) Sweetie, I have the dream where I'm in the back of a vehicle and there's no driver, I'm having to steer from the backseat. And I'm terrified that I'm going to get caught. Not that I'm going to crash, but that someone will see I'm not really in control. Of anything. Love you.

crankyjohn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hiswiserangel said...

I think we all need some group hugs and a serious drinking party.

crankyjohn said...

I will drink to that. I will drink to anything.

Old Richard said...

Love little girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God And I Love Ya

Old Richard

tripseven said...

Aw man MissK...I sincerely hope you don't let this define who you are or let it control your life because we are only here for very short time. I think it's hard for some parents to imagine the lifelong impressions they leave on their children.

God Bless

MissK said...

Thank you everyone, for your comments... :-)

Trip, I use to let it define me. As a child and part of my teenage years. Before one realizes that a parent does NOT have the final say to what the "truth" is. Especially in regards to something as individual as your personal identity. Some people in our lives, we have to learn to love them as they are, and not expect more then they can give. Referring to my remaining parent here (I lost my Dad when I was 17) and a few other people that shall remain nameless for my own sanity...

Besides, I've had too many life changing experiences (as we all do) to not see things in a different light. Everyone has an opinion, I've learned to respect that, as much as I can. "Opinions" is something we deal with constantly in every part of our lives, but more so in the political facet here in the blogsphere, everything else has been pretty much fun, thank God for that... But back to opinions, the ones I do have a hard time with are those from individual that let others define their "personal opinion" I guess you could say they don't have one, they just follow the crowd because it's "easier". Or Statistics, their useful and interesting, but should never define who you are... Who the hell "in their right mind" would want to be a statistic, to me that's giving up before you even start.

I think all this background shit is probably why I'm stubborn as hell and often look to going against the grain purposely to be as far away from the "crowd" as I can. I do like to glean off people... ;-) Especially the ones I admire and look up, because they stand by their own belief system, and don't impose it on others. But I do have to put my own spin on things, or else what's the point.. ;-)

MissK said...

Side note: Why is it I only see my spelling mistakes "after" I publish :P LOL

Oh well, take me as I am "t'aime pas sa, ben prend ton baluchon pi sacre ton camp" ;-)

hiswiserangel said...

I love you as you am. Spelling errors and all. Especially when you drop your "t's".

MissK said...

And you know that always makes me giggle... I Love you too Sweet Angel :-)

tripseven said...

Sounds like you have a good handle on life.

Your kids have a great mom!

MissK said...

Oh believe me Trip.. I do spin out of control at times :P

I have one daughter... she's 15. And she's ME amplified, good points and bad, all wrapped up in a pretty package and loudly stamped by her own brand ;-)

tripseven said...

Whoops, that's right. It's HWA with kid(s). All the same though for both of ya!

Son_of_Liberty said...

I have recurring dreams of being chased by burning skeletons. Nothing I throw can stop them. I have no idea what it means.