Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Trippy, Kinda Cool...

...or Somewhat Stupid Silly Shit
You don't Really Need ~ Part 1

Be the life of the party as you tear things up
with these BBQ bear paws :D

Then serve your shredded meat...

Monday, September 23, 2013

Bless You My Snack...

A little "à propos" joke sent in my James... ;-)

The Christian Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, 
admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had 
created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! 
What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a 
rustling in the bushes behind. As he turned to look, 
he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran 
as fast as he could up the path.

He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear 
was closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, 
so scared that tears were coming to his eyes.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The New Story of Noah's Ark

This post is "stolen"... credits at the bottom ;-)

Take a moment to read this. You won’t be sorry.

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said: “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.” 

“Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later...

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Sobbing Wife ~ According To Cranky ;)

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my h ands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a Rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

Thanks for the funny Cranky ;-)

Friday, March 22, 2013

No Matter How Bad We Have It...

...Someone has it Worse

Moral of the Story?

Keep Your Balls Warm... ;-)

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Cranky, A Girlfriend For Your Avatar ;)

Reposting... I'm thinking a "Certain Someone" might have missed it... ;-)

Friday, March 15, 2013

You Like Practical Jokes?

Try this one out on your family... 
or coworkers... ;-)

I't a little crappy, but hey... 
they're gonna love you for it ;-)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Sheep... Ship... It's All The Same....

Chief Nose Wetter posted this a little while ago. 
I dedicate it to all the ObamaVoters... 
Karma's a bitch, it's sad we all have to eat your crow.

The Atheist & The Little Girl

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. 

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" 

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.


Thanks Alot :P

Snatched from AngryMike ;-)

I went looking for a sheep sound to add here and found this...